Biffster's World

Paul’s massive ego trip – NTiR (2 Corinthians 7-10)

Biffster — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 14:00:43 +0000

This book has suddenly started to get incredibly boring. I started to fall asleep while reading for the last update. I claim “not my fault” on that one. Paul drones on and on about subjects when he is trying to emphasize a point.

What this book really needs to liven it up is for Paul to go all Moses on the Corinthians, demanding that they follow him because only he knows the mind of Christ. Ego can be a funny thing….

Chapter 7
Things are definitely not well in the state of Corinth. Apparently, there were major issues raised after Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, and a lot of people felt that they had been slighted or unjustly accused. Paul takes a passive-aggressive approach to this: “If I made you sad with my letter, I do not regret it, although I did regret it then. I see that the letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while.” Paul is happy that their sorrow made them stronger and more willing to follow, or something.I still think that the Corinthians are right to be peeved. Paul was a major ass towards them in his first letter. I’d still be ticked, too.

Chapter 8
“I am not commanding you but testing the genuineness of your love by the enthusiasm of others.” Testing a person isn’t much better than commanding them…

Chapter 9
Give money, don’t be outshone by the churches in Macedonia whose members are in poverty but who give a lot of money anyway. Give money, and it will be multiplied for you. Televangelists love this bit, too.

Chapter 10
Hey, Paul outs himself as a coward! “I who am humble when I am face to face with you but forceful toward you when I am away!” Why wouldn’t he do that the other way around, which would be braver and more productive? Paul admits himself that he hopes he won’t have to find the courage to say this to people face-to-face.

This is actually a very strange chapter. Paul is on an ego trip here. Actually, it’s more like he is trying to force the Corinthians to bow to his will. He also has no problem saying that he is superior to everyone else (“So if I boast a little too much about our authority, which the Lord gave us to build you up and not to tear you down, I will not be ashamed of it.”) He also has no problems making direct threats against the Corinthians: “We are ready to punish every act of disobedience when your obedience is complete.”

So now, why would the Corinthians follow such a power-hungry man? And one who is so willing to ignore key parts of Christ’s message?

Up next: Paul the dictator

New installments of The New Testament In Review will be posted each Monday and Thursday. The new posts will always be on my blog, http://biffster.org. The entire series is accessible via http://biffster.org/ntir. If you are one of my Facebook friends, you can get an advance preview on my Facebook page. You can also follow me (@biffster) on Twitter to be alerted to new posts.

There’s something rotten in the State of Corinth… NTiR (2 Corinthians 4-6)

Biffster — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:00:47 +0000

In our last entry, Paul pulled out a number of tricks from his “How to Keep Followers” bag. Paul tried buttering up the Corinthians, then guilting them about one of their members who had started sinning. He even plays the “my religion is better than your religion” card, stating that Jesus has more glory than Moses, so the Corinthians should abandon their Judaic ways. Will any of those tactic works?

I don’t know, actually. I reckon we’ll learn more about the results of this letter indirectly in Galatians or one of the future letters. For now, all we know is that Paul still has the floor.

Chapter 4
Paul is trying to re-assure everyone in the church that Paul’s church is the real church, and that Paul’s group doesn’t try and pervert God’s words. Which means that someone was accusing them of doing just that. Who made the accusations? It is not for us to know.Paul (and presumably the other Christians) are being legitimately persecuted at this time, and he is trying to keep everyone’s spirits up. He basically tells the Christians that their tribulations and deaths further glorify the lord. And enduring this suffering and torture, even perhaps death, is worth it to gain an eternity’s worth of grace from God.

Chapter 5
To tell you the truth, I kinda fell asleep half-way into this chapter. Paul has this annoying habit of saying something, then saying it again in slightly different words, then saying it again in slightly different sentences. Once through is enough for me. Reading the same idea three times within a 21-verse chapter?

Anyway, people have a tent here and a heavenly home in god’s kingdom. We want to shed our tent (die) and move off to heaven, but to do that we have to suffer and try and spread god’s word.

Chapter 6
Now, unless I am reading this chapter wrong, Paul is basically saying that the church in Corinth should not be as welcoming of newcomers as it is (“Stop becoming unevenly yoked with unbelievers”) and should fall into step with what Paul and his follower’s say! (“We have not cut you off, but you have cut off your own feelings toward us.”)

Apparently there is something rotten in the state of Corinth…

Up next: Paul’s massive ego trip

Weekly Archive

Biffster — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 11:55:00 +0000

Best thing about having a Dwight Schrute in your office? Endless entertainment. #
RT @FakeAPStylebook All mentions of the word chameleon should be preceded by five commas. In all other instances, they come and go. <– LMAO #
RT @FrankConniff I won't refudiate Sarah Palin's right to invent words. I'll just point out that she's a stupidiot. #
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Important thing to remember: 'be the change you wish to see in the world" – Gandhi #
LMAO!!! // RT @goodlaura RT @biffster: "be the change you wish to see" – Gandhi <-I wanna be a roll of quarters. #
Fun things todo w/ Schrute-ish co-wrkers: if they miss work for dental issues, leave toothbrush & paste on their desk. Or 2. Or 4… #
RT @mamarocksreno Twitter is made up of 90% adolecent boys & 10% desperate housewives. <– sounds about right… #
Amen to that! –> RT @shimmer418: RT @dahara: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. #unknown #quote #

Does Paul understand himself? NTiR (2 Corinthians 1-3)

Biffster — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 14:00:12 +0000

EGAH!!!!!!!

For some reason, I was thinking that 2 Corinthians was a short book. I thought it was the start of the smaller epistles, and was looking forward to reviewing just a few chapters. Instead, 2 Corinthians is the last of the extra-long, drawn out letters. Paul loves to go on and on as he tries to coerce people to follow his teachings instead of the teachings of others around him. While the subtext of people deciding which of the former disciples most represents the words of Christ is intriguing, we are reading letters written by the man who won. And the victor gets to write history as he pleases.

Obviously, I am not looking forward to this book. Procrastinating isn’t making things any better, though, so let’s move on to:

Second Epistle to the Corinthians

Chapter 1
Let’s see. We start off with greetings from Paul and Timothy. Paul states that it is good everyone suffered, because then they can help comfort others who are suffering. And apparently everyone is suffering a lot. Paul references the problems he ran into in Asia; it’ll be interesting to see if those are mentioned again.

Chapter 2
The chapter starts off with Paul bemoaning the acts of one of the members of the church in Corinth. Is this the same guy from I Corinthians, or someone else? He then gives hints of a god complex (“what I have forgiven I did in the presence of Christ”) and compares the followers to the “aroma” of Christ. (“Savour” in the KJV) This aroma is good for some and deadly for others.

I dunno… I think that at least half the time, Paul doesn’t understand what he is talking about.

Chapter 3
Paul gets into a glory contest here. Followers of Christ have more glory than followers of Moses do. Jesus has more glory than Moses does. Followers of Moses have a veil covering their hearts when reading what Moses wrote, while anyone who turns to the Lord has that veil ripped away.

Hmmm… sounds to me like there were a lot of Corinthians who didn’t want to give up their beliefs in Judaism. How is Paul going to win them over?

Up next: There’s something rotten in the state of Corinth…

NTiR: Paul keeps chucking the first stones (1 Corinthians 13-16)

Biffster — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:00:02 +0000

We are at the end of another of Paul’s letters. There’s only a few more left, right? At least a few more ’til we get to hear from Peter and Timothy. They can’t be any worse than this, lemme tell you.

Or am I setting myself up for a major disappointment?

Chapter 13

The Wedding Chapter. Everyone knows this one (“love is always patient, always kind…”). Actually, I think everyone knows all of this chapter. Aside from the wedding verses, there’s “When I became a man I gave up my childish ways” (I call bullshit on that, too). There’s also “Faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love.”

Chapter 14

Lots of information about speaking in tongues. I don’t think that anyone but Pentecostals will care about this chapter, though there is one line that amuses me: “if the whole church gathers in the same place and everyone is speaking in tongues, when uneducated people or unbelievers come in, they will say that you are out of your mind, won’t they?” That’s why I call it the psycho church!

Chapter 15

My god this chapter will not end! 58 verses of Paul trying to prove that resurrection is true. He goes so far as to say anyone who doesn’t believe in resurrection has turned their back on Christ. HARSH! But as we’ve already established, Paul has no problems picking up that first stone and letting it fly.

Chapter 16

AMEN!!!! I don’t know what this chapter says yet – I am going to read it for the next paragraph. But for now, I’ll say AMEN for the end of this god-awful letter!

Paul once again finishes up the letter with his travel plans. He’s planning on maybe spending the winter in Corinth, which matches up perfectly with Luke’s description in Acts. Paul also exhorts the church to be nice to Timothy once Timothy gets there. And we are OUT!

Conclusion

Dull. Mind-numbingly dull. And it went on far too long. 16 chapters, one of which was long enough that it should’ve been split into two. A large part of the letter is once again Paul proclaiming himself to be the head of the church, and trying to justify that. And, of course, changing the teachings of Christ to better match up with his own personal beliefs.

All in all, I’d say to skip this book like the plague.

EEEGAH!!!!

Up next: 2 Corinthians

Weekly Archive

Biffster — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 11:55:00 +0000

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If I were single, I'd have had a special moment: the woman in front of me ordered the exact same b'fast sandwich as me. #
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Only the cool people get to call me Biffster. Cool like you! #

NTiR: Sexism, thy name is Paul… (1 Corinthians 9-12)

Biffster — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 14:00:10 +0000

I have to say, 1 Corinthians is turning out to be much more entertaining than I expected. Mostly because the last four chapters pertained to Paul not having sex. That explains a lot about Paul’s character and general disposition. I am able to re-frame my view of Paul. I understand his writings a little better.

Mind you, that doesn’t mean that I like what Paul is writing any more than I used to. But I at least understand why he’s so bitter.

Chapter 9
Every now and then, Paul has a chapter where he covers a number of random topics. It’s like a cornucopia of arcane musings. This is one of those chapters. First off, Paul proclaims it is perfectly okay for the church leaders to collect money from the church members. Food, too. Televangelists, rejoice! Then Paul says that he refuses to be paid because it makes him stronger in the lord. Then he says that he becomes who he preaches to. e.g. a Jew when he preaches to the Jews, weak when he preaches to the weak, etc. Good to know that Paul isn’t above deception to get more people into his church. Oh, and he finishes up with self-flagellation. I know what chapter Dan Brown has been reading!

Chapter 10
Paul starts using his knowledge of scripture again. It is the Pharisee in him that is most interesting. He lists the trials and tribulations that the ancient Israelites went through, and tells the believers that they must also resist temptation. In a counterpoint to Romans, Paul says that a person can resist, and that god won’t give you more temptation than what you have the strength to resist. I call bullshit on that one.

Oh, Paul is also still hungry. Was gluttony his biggest weakness? Paul repeals the scriptural ban on pigs and shellfish, saying that everything is allowable, as long as it doesn’t lead one into idolatry. So no Golden Calf cereal.

Chapter 11
Let’s see: a man should not have long hair, a woman should keep a hat on, people shouldn’t eat and drink without sharing, and people should eat at home if they are going to be meeting for Communion later that night. What an odd chapter.

I was going to just gloss over 1 Corinthians 11, but I actually feel like I need to say more. Because this is one of the more obviously sexist/misogynistic chapters in the bible. The whole woman/hat thing specifically shows this sexism. A woman should cover her head, either with a hat or with hair, to give glory to her man. The man gives glory to god. Or even more starkly, in verse 3: “Now I want you to realize that Christ is the head of every man, and man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.”

Man is the head of the woman. WTF?

Sexism, thy name is Paul!

Chapter 12
God has given everyone different abilities, but none are more important than the other. I am still chuckling over one line: “the foot says, “’Since I’m not a hand, I’m not part of the body.’”

Up next: Paul keeps chucking the first stones.

NTiR: Poor Paul isn’t getting any… (1 Corinthians 5-8)

Biffster — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:00:52 +0000

I need to give a Parental Notice here. This entry deals with sex. If you feel that children must be protected from the mention of sex, then you won’t want to let them read this entry. There’s nothing explicit here. Well, at least nothing more explicit than Paul writes in his letter. That is a little explicit, though. Consider yourself warned!

Of course, if you don’t want your children to read profanity, you shouldn’t let them read this blog series at all!

For those of you who are still reading this entry, my interpretation of the following four chapters may seem like sheer fiction. I swear to you, though, that Paul actually does write about these things. If you don’t buy what I am selling, you can read the four chapters yourself. And if you disagree with me, you should also leave a comment below. I love to hear your dissenting opinions!

These four chapters all pertain to sex. Specifically Paul telling his followers – er, I mean Christ’s followers – to abstain from sex because it is sinful and keeps one from loving God and being close to Jesus. Or something. My personal opinion is that Paul wasn’t getting any, so he wanted to make sure no one else was getting any, either.

Chapter 5
Paul is deeply offended by one instance of sexual immorality: one of the members of the church is sleeping with his step-mother. Granted, that is really weird. But this once again sends Paul into a tirade. He demands that this man be removed from the church, sent away so that Satan can destroy the man’s body. It’s the only way that god can save the man. Nope, doesn’t make sense to me. Sounds like the rantings of a bitter, crazy old man. I wonder how old Paul was at this point?

You know the idea of “judge not lest ye be judged?” Paul ain’t having no truck with that. Paul basically says straight-out that he can judge those inside the church, it is only outsiders that cannot be judged by man.

Do you see why I say that Paul diverged from Christ’s teachings? Would Jesus say “ah, as long as they are in the church, you can judge them”?

Chapter 6
Paul really, really doesn’t like sexual immorality. I am thinking that he wasn’t getting any at the time. Was Paul married? Did he have a “special” travel mate? The bible doesn’t say for certain (or at least it hasn’t yet). Maybe getting laid would’ve helped Paul get over his sexual hang-ups.

Paul does list those who definitely won’t go to heaven: “sexually immoral people, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexuals, thieves, greedy people, drunks, slanderers, and robbers.” Which leaves out basically the entire Republican party.

Chapter 7
Want proof that Paul is sexually frustrated? How about I Corinthians 7:1 “It’s good for a man not to touch a woman.” Because people shouldn’t have sex if Paul isn’t getting any! Paul also wishes that everyone could be like him and not have sex. A quote from It’s a Wonderful Life comes to mind, ‘cuz Paul is definitely “a warped, frustrated old man.” Again I ask, why did people choose to follow Paul instead of Apollos or Peter?

Oh, the chapter goes on in this vein for a while: If a man cannot control his sexual urges, then he should get married. But someone who isn’t having sex is living with the lord.

In the midst of all of this is a passage that caused slave owners to forbid teaching their slaves to read: I Corinthians 7:21-23. Especially “if you have a chance to become free, take advantage of the opportunity.”

Chapter 8
Paul is hungry again, and devotes a chapter to eating and not eating meat. I dunno, you tell me.

Up next: Sexism, thy name is Paul!

Weekly Archive

Biffster — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 11:55:00 +0000

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RT @courtkneerawks: Every time I hear "In the Air Tonight" I have a sudden urge to pee in Mike Tyson's pool and steal a cop car. <– LMAO! #
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RT @tessasdad @twistedxtian: Dear fellow Christians: Please stop telling ppl you can fix the fact that they are gay, like it is a problem. #
RT @DaddyYoEffinRox RT @biffster: New blog post: Paul -vs- everyone else (I Corinthians 1-4) http://bit.ly/a0n3tW #bible <– Thanks John! #
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NTiR: Paul -vs- everyone else (I Corinthians 1-4)

Biffster — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 14:00:50 +0000

My dear lord, I cannot tell you how painful reading Romans was. It was bad enough that I considered walking away from this project. A large part of me wanted to say, “Yeah, screw this, this is too painful.” Especially realizing that I have another half-dozen letters from Paul to trudge through. But if I abandon this project, who else is going to provide you with a New Testament in Review? So I am staying on and I will finish this just for you, dear reader.

We have another letter from Paul up next. It’s another long one (16 chapters). I learned one thing from Romans: there’s no reason to go into detail reviewing each chapter. Paul is just repeating himself in these letters. In other words: Expect these chapters to FLY!

First Epistle to the Corinthians

Chapter 1
Oh, this letter is co-written by Paul and Sosthenes. I’ve never heard of Sosthenes, so I am assuming his contribution will be small. There’s a lot of division in the church right now. A lot of Chrstians want to follow Apollos or Cephas instead of Paul. Paul points out that it was Jesus who was crucified, not any of the disciples, so everyone should follow Jesus and not the disciples. By which, of course, Paul means that everyone should follow him, since he alone knows Jesus’s words.

I glanced over this originally, but it is important. Cephas is the Amramaic spelling/pronunication of Peter. That is, the Peter that many say Jesus wanted to be the cornerstone of the new church. This section of this chapter is basically saying that there were differences between what Peter and Paul wrote, differences that were big enough to split believers between the two camps. What were these differences? We don’t really know, because Paul won out. Whether Paul’s message was more accurate than Peter’s doesn’t matter: people chose Paul’s words.

How different would modern Christianity be now if it were based on Peter’s teachings?

Chapter 2
Paul does’t speak words of God’s wisdom unless he’s among believers. People who aren’t spiritual won’t understand the wisdom of the spirit.No one can know or understand what god does or says. Except for Paul, of course. I sense a theme here.

Chapter 3
Paul beings to sound a little threatened by Apollos. (I had no idea that there was an Apollos ’til Paul started mentioning him by name.) Paul refers to himself as the planter, and Apollos as the waterer. Paul also states that he was giving people the gospel in small, easy to eat morsels because they weren’t ready for solid food (the real truth and wisdom of the lord) yet. With that kind of condescension, who can blame people for looking to someone else for their spiritual needs? I just seriously don’t understand how people decided that Paul was the way to go.

Chapter 4
Wow, Paul is really wigging out here. The division among followers has really thrown him off the deep end. He tells his readers that they don’t have a right to judge him, that remains God’s domain. Apollos and he are equals, neither one greater than the other. There are many spiritual leaders in the church, but only a few fathers. Of which, of course, Paul is one. And Apollos is not. Neither is Timothy. And Paul may travel soon, and may come with either a stick or a gentle spirit. Really? Threats? Paul, is that the best you can do?

Up next: Poor Paul isn’t getting any…